my life working in christian retail during the holidays...

many of you know that i work in christian retail and we have officially hit my least favorite time of year. the time of year where people camp out 5 days in advance in front of a store for the best place in line on the day after thanksgiving...aka BLACK friday. whoever named this special day WORKED in retail and know that it is doomsday for us who are cursed with the commercialism and crazy people who will push, pull, and kick to get what they want at 3am. i am glad to say i work over the phone so i don't work on that evil day but must succumb to answer call-in questions about the sales of that day.
here are a few that i've heard this week (enjoy) :
fyi my MENTAL thoughts are in italics - i would NEVER say these things out loud even though i'm thinking them.

"all your stores are sold out of the Jesus $1 tote. how are you sold out? don't you know Jesus' names never change."

"i'd like to order that Jesus book"
(note to people...you are calling a CHRISTIAN retail number. ALL our books are Jesus books!)

"can i order online and get the same prices that show on this paper?"
(if you look at the sales flyer that you are referencing. in large 18 point font it will say order online or shop at our store)

"i will be in a remote area during the holiday weekend with no access to internet or store, can i order these items now?"
well, considering its a Black Friday Sale and on the sales flyer that you are holding it says November 26th and 27th ONLY in extremely LARGE print i'm guessing that you know the answer but i'll humor you anyways and tell you no, you do not get special privileges even though you are secluding yourself to the boondocks to go hunt and defeather a turkey for your dinner over a campfire.

"how come you sold out of ________(fill in the blank) at the store? i was at the store specifically to purchase it and now you're out. that's bad advertising."
noooo...it's great advertising hence WHY the product is sold out.

customer: "i have a store complaint. they didn't __________(fill in the blank)"
this usually involves something i have no control over.
me: "did you talk to the store manager at that location?"
customer: "no. i never asked. they just told me that you deal with everything including store complaints and i have a complaint"
me: "i'm sure if you speak to the store manager they would be more than helpful in resolving this issue as i am unable to help you out since it is a retail store issue."
customer: "i don't ever want to go in that store or look at any of those snide employees ever again. i will just shop elsewhere like online at CBD."
either way we're still supplying the product to that company so one less disgruntled customer going into the store and calling me to deal with. if you would have just asked to speak to a manager everything would've been resolved very quickly and efficiently.

so that is just 1% of what we deal with on a daily basis during this lovely *insert sarcastic tone here* holiday season. you ask why i hate this holiday season and say bah-humbug. sit in my job for 1 day and you will be in my exact same place.

and i bid you safe travels to wherever you are going - i will be in the comfort of my lovely little town enjoy a wonderful baby shower, hockey game, and pies!